Knowing When You've Hit the Wall

There comes a time in every woman's life when she knows she's finally "hit the wall" (i.e. she's no longer attractive to anyone but her husband, if she's lucky). Well, let me tell you, I knew that day came many years ago, but it wasn't until today that it was confirmed by a third party.

During my teen years, I thought I was fairly "hot" (can you tell my age by the slang?). Now, I don't mean"hot" in the global sense; I mean "hot" in the small town sense. It's kind of like the big fish, small pond theory, but applied to attractiveness. Why did I think so? Well, the majority of teenage boys in the town "chased" me. Of course, as I've aged I now know that any teenage boy will chase any girl if he thinks he has even the slightest bit of chance of getting laid. 

As the first child was spit from my loins and pizza began to attach itself to my hips, thighs and ass, and my 80s hairstyle was no longer "in", I knew my days of being chased by guys were over. And as the years passed, and another child was spit from my loins, and even carrot sticks attached themselves to my hips, thighs and ass, and I could now wave "hello" with my arms, I knew I had finally hit the wall. I thought I had come to grips with it, probably because I thought there had to be at least 10% of the male population that thought I was at least "average", AND more importantly because I had never heard any rude remarks about my looks by anyone...until today.

I was at the UPS store mailing a few packages. There were two young men working behind the counter. As the one guy helped me, the other guy helped a young, blonde-haired girl that had came in with a package. When she left, the guy helping me said to the other guy, "You're so lucky! You always get the pretty ones!" Yes, I'm just chopped liver, world. Attention everyone! Stacey has officially hit the wall.