Stacey Lloyd

About the Woman of the House - a.k.a. Mommy, Lazy Housewife, Computer Guru

Stacey was born on November 8, 19?? in Amish Country, PA in the back of a buggy. (The Amish couldn't understand why she only had 5 fingers and 5 toes on each hand and foot.) Her family moved to White-Trash America around 1979. Stacey spent her childhood wreaking havoc on the surrounding community, which to this day is remembered by former teachers and school mates.

Jake's half-sister, Shawna, was born into that El Camino-infested town on August 3, 1989. When Shawna dressed her Barbie in a tube top and put the Barbie Corvette up on cinder blocks Stacey knew it was time to get her out.  

Stacey enrolled in college and graduated with a degree in Duct Tape Science from Tape College. Stacey has been discovering new uses for Duct Tape ever since. Stacey recently finished her Master's degree in Duct Tape Philosophy from Sticky University. 

Stacey enjoys taping things, picking up hitchhikers and singing "Cat Scratch Fever" to Jake. Her favorite foods are pizza with mushrooms, pizza with salami, and pizza with mushrooms and salami. Her favorite drink is margaritas without the triple sec, lime juice and salt. Stacey doesn't have a favorite color because she believes "all colors are created equal." Her favorite music is Gwar with the volume turned off.

Stacey lives by the words "what goes around, comes around, and those bitches will get theirs". Stacey is also a long-time member of "Dorks Are People, Too." She plans to teach Jake how to avoid becoming a roadie to Whitesnake and having a car on cinder blocks in his front yard. This of course means that most of Stacey's teachings will be an attempt to undo everything Daddy will be teaching Jake. She will also pass on her invaluable knowledge of how to marry a dork, the many uses of duct tape, and her philosophical lifestyle.

Ever since the "toilet incident", Stacey has been in therapy to deal with her plastic wrap addiction. Now she spends her days catching invisible flies and repeatedly murmuring "Saran is in the can, Saran is in the can." She seems to be improving since she no longer hoards empty plastic wrap containers under her bed.